Thereness jokes
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."
Most people age up on their birthdays,
Stephen levels up.
I created a website for orphans, but there was no homepage.
Man: Knock, knock...
Boy: Who's there?
Man: Bear...
Boy: Bear who?
Man: Bear bottom.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Covid.
Covid who?
The thing that killed half a billion people!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"