Them jokes
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Don't Touch My Truck-By: Breland and Sam Hunt
You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my V8 engine with the windows tinted Boy, we came from the bottom, got it out the mud Whole block jumpin' 'cause the subs stay hittin'. If they roll up on me, know I keep one tucked (ooh, yeah) Woo Tell them boys come and get me. I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty. Homie, don't get it twisted. Keep a semi in the hemi (oh) Red cup full of Henny. My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck (skrrt, skrrt) Skrrt (yeah, yeah) Skrrt Don't touch my truck (brrp, yeah) Skrrt (woo-oh) Skrrt Don't touch my Wood grain dash with the matte black finish And it match my shawty with the big ol' butt. Know them boys soft 'cause they got hard feelings. You can try me if you wanna go and test your luck (woo) Tell them boys come and get me (get me) I be ridin' through the city. Young, rich and I'm pretty (yeah) Homie, don't get it twisted (yeah) Keep a semi in the hemi (in the hemi) Red cup full of Henny (yeah, we drinking) My hitters come in plenties, for real. You can drink my liquor. You can call my lady. You can take my money. You can smoke my blunt. Scuff these Jordans. You can say you hate me. You can call me crazy, but Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my truck Skrrt Skrrt Don't touch my Woo, ooh, woo, ooh, woo, ooh Don't touch my truck (woo, ooh) Don't touch my truck
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.