Them jokes
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
What is the difference between a bag of chips and a gun?
If you pull one of them suddenly, everybody wants to be your friend.
Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.