Them jokes

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why do basketball players hate gravity?

Because it's always bringing them down.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

You give them a Sandy Hook.

What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?

My dad hates them both!

I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

I've seen too many of them get elected.

Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.

Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport??

Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.