Them jokes

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.

If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

Why do humans hate aliens?

Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.

I've seen them hanging all day.

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?

The tree leaves them hanging.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.