Them jokes

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?

Morgz.

Most women are like the Twin Towers.

It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.

Q: How do you make an emo kid happy?

A: Give them a Happy Meal.

There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.