Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
Them Jokes
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
