What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
Them Jokes
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What’s the best thing about 26 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?
A: A family portrait.
Hello, I am Sflugo. I am opening the Pro Orphan Joke Club because a lot of people are saying to get rid of them, but we say NO! If you want to join, comment and say, "#SaveOrphanJokes."
What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One of them is wanted.
