Them jokes

Child

    • My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

    If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

    Street

    • Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

    Comeback

    • An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

    The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

    The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

    The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

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    • Them memes

    Man

    • A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

    The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

    The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

    The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

    Train

    • Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

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    • Basement

    • I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

    Orphan

    • What is the difference between a tall kid and an orphan? One is tall enough that their parents can see them.

    Team

    • Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

    Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

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    • Orphan

    • How to make an orphan BLEED?

    Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

    Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

    Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

    Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

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    • Butcher

    • First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

    HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

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