Them jokes

Dad

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

Tree

Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.

Child

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Twin Towers

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Violist

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

Boob

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Emo

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

Woman

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Toy

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

Grenade

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

Breast

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

Lemon

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Finger

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

Orphanage

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Boy Scout

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

Orphan

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.

Child Support

A Mario & Luigi joke.

What are the Mario bros' view on child support?

Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.

Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!

Orphanage

An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.