Them jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.