Them jokes
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport??
Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.
Why do gay men like the filling in Hostess Twinkies?
It reminds them of cum. 😋 😍 😏 😜
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
Most women are like the Twin Towers.
It's all fun and good when guys fly through them, but once the little people come jumping off them, it becomes sad and awful.
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.