Them jokes
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see their parents.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).
My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.