Them jokes
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
He tied them in little Nazis.
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.