Them jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.
Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
A: One of them gets picked.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
What is a Mexican's favorite sport??
Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next... So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.