Them jokes
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.
His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"
"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. 🤣😂
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come back.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Rape: The only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldn't do anything even if they could run or say something, then after, are told rapists stop them doing something about it.
Them: "You're ugly."
Me: "No, as ugly as your extra chromosome."
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"