Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
How do you make an orphans hands bleed? Tell them to clap until they see there parents.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
What’s the difference between a apple and a orphan?
One of them get picked.
Why can't an orphan play basketball?
Because no one will be cheering them on.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
I saw some twins so I threw a paper plane at them.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing I slit both of them
I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!
At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"
Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.
why cant orphans sleep nobody can tuck them in
