Them jokes
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"