Them jokes

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

(Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why I made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?

You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.

What's better than throwing dead babes?

Catching them after with a pitchfork.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

Why do orphans hate dodgeball?

Because nobody misses them.

Why do basketball players hate gravity?

Because it's always bringing them down.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

Why can't orphans have family size chip bags? Because they have no family to have them with.

Why do orphans hate dodgeball?

No one misses them.

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.