Them jokes
Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.
Fun fact: Pringles are named Pringles because somebody decided to name them Pringles.
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"
They didn't reply.
I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Why can't orphans ride a bike?
'Cause their parents won't follow them.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next... So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Some people call them glue sticks, but they're blue sticks.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.