Them jokes
Why are your eyes blue? Cuz they have food coloring in them.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Michael J. Fox isn't allowed around small children. When he touches them, he is immediately accused of shaken baby syndrome.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.