Them jokes

Why don't orphans have Life360?

Because parents won't track them.

Parents are like food—not all kids get them.

Why do orphans hate the letter F?

Because the F stands for the family that didn't want them.

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

A: One of them gets picked.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Why do rappers love the gym?

'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.

Why did Ronald McDonald go to KFC to destroy them?

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.