Them jokes
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.
Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.
Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.
Nathan: WE-WE
Alicia: WEE-WEE?
Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes
Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u
Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*
Alicia: *WEIRD*
Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose
Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess
cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou
nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy
cuugh umm
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
Why do orphans not know how to spell?
Because no one likes them, dumb people. 🤭🤡
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One of them gets picked.