What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Neither of them respect boundaries.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
