If A wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been MUGGLED?????
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar? I hear they got six months each.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft LOTTO?
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it lead to a lot of people steeling them.
Shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store. He was asked to give an EGGsplanation.
One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said "I dont know it all happed to fast"!
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.
What do you call a otter video game that is about robbing?- Grand Theft Otter!
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms? Because he told the man to put his hands up
Why do people not play uno with Mexicans... because they are always stealing the green cards
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey? Because proper tea is theft.
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket? -- He was stealing all the samples.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.