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Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? – He took a day off.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? – Sundae school.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.