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Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? – He took a day off.

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? – Sundae school.

I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.