What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
I know a woman who owns a taser. -- She's stunning!
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar- just kidding.
what is red and shaped like a bucket
a red bucket
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What's the best thing about 28 year old's? -There's 20 of them.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The Dock
