Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? – He took a day off.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

Why can’t college students take exams at the zoo? – Too many cheetahs!

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

Where do you learn to make ice cream? – Sundae school.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.

I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

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