Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, “Isn’t it dark down here?” She replies, “I don’t know. I can’t see.”

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it’s sea food.

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? – He took a day off.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? – A brick.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

How does NASA organize a party? – They planet.

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? – The wheelchair.

I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy.