The jokes

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Why did the OREO go to the dentist?

Because he needed a filling. 😂

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

A guy finds a genie.

He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."

"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

The white guy actually did it.

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What were the twin towers plains?

God's playing Jenga.

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.