The jokes

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used windows.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.

What do you call a group of depressed kids with guns?

The suicide squad.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: "It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path." Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.

What is a terrorist's DJ name?

Osama Spin Laden.

Dropping beats like the Twin Towers.

Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.