The jokes

The cemetery is so overcrowded.

People are just dying to get in.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair. 😎

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"

What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has rights.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

Why are Americans so dumb?

Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

Euro-peein'.

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?

A bullet.

Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.

In 2016, Americans took "Orange is the New Black" to a whole other level.