The jokes
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
Memes
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head?
A bullet.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
In 2016, Americans took "Orange is the New Black" to a whole other level.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
Why did the orphan want to become a prostitute?
To get a daddy.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.