The jokes

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Why did the OREO go to the dentist?

Because he needed a filling. 😂

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

What’s an abbreviation for school in America?

Shooting range.

Jokes just as dead as the victims.

A guy finds a genie.

He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."

"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"

What were the twin towers plains?

God's playing Jenga.

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

The cemetery is so overcrowded.

People are just dying to get in.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

Why don't midgets use tampons?

Answer: They are always tripping over the string.