That jokes

Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.

Yo mama is so ugly that Kanye West went East to get away from her.

What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?

A big Mexican woman.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.

There is only one reason why I find women useful.

That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.

Your forehead is so big that you dream on IMAX.

It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.

But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?

Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.

What do you call a deer that has no eyes?

No eye deer.

Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?

A god.

You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...