That jokes

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

Yo mama so fat that when she steps into an elevator, she has to go down.

Yo hairline so far, that if you put tables on it, it would NEVER end.

Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Two plus two is four. Minus one, that's three, quick maths. Every day, man's on the block. Smoke trees (Ah). See your girl in the park. That girl is a uckers. When the ting went quack-quack-quack You man were ducking (You man ducked). Hold tight, Asznee (My brudda). He's got the pumpy (Big ting). Hold tight, my man (My guy). He's got the frisbee (Few). I trap, trap, trap on the phone Movin' that cornflakes (Uh). Rice Krispies. Hold tight, my girl Whitney (My G). On, on, on, on, on the road doin' 10 toes Like my toes (Like my toes). You man thought I froze. I see a peng girl, then I pose (Chilin'). If she ain't on it, I ghost. Hah, look at your nose (Check your nose, fam). You donut. Nose long like garden hose.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop!

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!

Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Were you born on the highway? 'Cause that's where most accidents happen.

What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.

What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!

Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.