"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call a person that inherits a lot of money?
A millionheir.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
