That jokes

When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.

That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?

That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

Your mini pecker is so small, the taxi driver said the ride was so short that he'd do it for free.

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

Yo forehead so big, an airplane can use that as a runway!

Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.

The best joke: you. O wait, I can't even say that because jokes have meaning.

Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...

Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?

In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Damn, that joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Your forehead is so big that it said, "To be continued."