That jokes
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
You're so bent and ugly that you'd make Elton John go straight!
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Yo mama's so fat that even Dora don't have time to explore her!
I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”