That jokes

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What do you call a hippo that lays eggs? A eggoppotimos.

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

Stop making 9/11 jokes, guys! My uncle died in that event. He was the best Arabian pilot in the world!

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

Just watched my friend take a steak out of her pocket. That steak was so outta pocket.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.

Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?

Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa? The water gun.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*