Tell jokes
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
I had a steering wheel down my pants, and I tell you what, it was driving my balls crazy!
Why is it so punny when Sans tells a joke in the evening?
Because a SANSET is happening.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why donβt you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Itβs like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...
Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.
Nevermind, it's too cheesy!