Tell jokes

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.

How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Guys, we should stop telling orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad. Oh...

Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.

Nevermind, it's too cheesy!

@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.

The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...

They just seem so forced.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂