Technology jokes

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

Stephen Hawking died because he was too far away from the Wi-Fi router.

Q: How did Stephen Hawking die?

A: He lost internet connection.

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

I made a website for orphans.

It has no homepage.

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?

He got hearing aids.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Emos get jealous when their phone dies.