Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here". The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why does Jesus never vacation on earth?, because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick and their still talking about it
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
