Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman
Kinder egg surprise
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollars at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. WHEN I GO OUTSIDE TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE SOMETHING THAT GOES FROM 0 to 200 IN 6 SECONDS". Bill Says, "Ok". The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it..It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
So this one time i saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and i helped her up and she said ''Thank you '' and i said your welcome. The next day i saw her legs and someone said '' I would not do that'' and i said '' Whatever'' i tapped sally and the top halve fell I said ''WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY. And someone said she went in a mine field.
Me:hey I’m your mom orphan:yay you came back me:sike
its not surprising there inst a whole lot of good tree jokes. most foresters have a wooden personality
me: "you wanna see my dad" some kid: "yeah?" me: "close your eyes and he will appear" some kid: "he ain't appearing" me: "sorry i thought he would appear for you. he won't appear for me" *the kid laughs"
moral: not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on 🙃
I told my mother i wanted a brother for Christmas The next day i saw her in the strip club across the street
knock knock! is that daddy No but im about to be so get on your knees
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up. It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Tomorrow is Christmas and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (yes this was inspired by a Fallout boy song)
I don't understand why people hide under there blankets it's not like the killers gonna be like, I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... Sleeping, but sees something moving so she gets a chair and wacks it then she says" I thought it was a mouse 🐁"
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back the old man wanted to do it with his wife the man set up everything needed a did the video I threw it back first then his wife bust instead of an old lady it was ashes
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
When I say daddy my step brother raise his head
