Support jokes

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

I made a website that helps orphans. Sadly, it doesn't have a homepage.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.

That’s why no one will be hurt.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one they can call "daddy."

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.