Support jokes

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?

“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?

A MAGAzine.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

I need a hug.

*hugs train*

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.

Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!

Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Like if you know an orphan.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣