Support jokes
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
All my jokes are cries for help.
INCLUDING THIS ONE.
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
I'm freshfry. I don't know what Alya's problem is, but just leave her alone, ok? Thanks.
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much, so I unplugged his life support. Luckily, I remember his last words: "You little bastard!"
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
I need a hug.
*hugs train*
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.