Suicide jokes
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)
What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?
The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
If being near immortal was a normal thing, I bet wanting to die would've been too.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
How do you get a trans woman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"
Responder: "Please hang on!"
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?
It left him hanging.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?