Suicide

Suicide jokes

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.