New Suicide Jokes - Page 30 - Worst Jokes Ever

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

How do you get your grass to cut itself?

Make it depressed.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?

Tie the bungee cord around his neck.

Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: Wanna hang out?

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!

If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?

That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!