Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
