yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
What do you call fly with no wings, a walk
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because i apparantly misunderstood what the craps table was for
Q: Knock, knock? Who’s there? A: Boo. A: Boo who? Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
HAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEYYYYEEEEEE!
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Asian without "As" is just sin.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
