Stupid jokes
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
What ended in 1999? 1998.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
I got a chicken drum stick for lunch, thought I might drum up an appetite!