A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will You be my girlfriend? Girl: No, because you have a gun and a sword. Man: But I am already in love with you. And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy. The girl is glad that the has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again. Man: Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl. And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender. Man: And here is some candy. And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too. One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him." Girl: I hate you, ugly man! Man: Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl? The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-" And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun, and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw. So he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender. 999 Service Guy: 999, what's your emergency? Old man: I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword I his bag. 999 Service Guy: Okay, no worries. 1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face. Guy sitting at a table in the bar: That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him. And the police show up. First Policeman: Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag? The girl points to the man and says "This man." Second Policeman: Let's arrest him. Man: No, wait! I can explain. Third Policeman: Get in the back of the car. When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years." One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison. The police see him and run after him. Third Policeman: Come back here! The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running. So the police shoot him and he dies. And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
There was a woman named sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed she her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big! Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 55378008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map? Can you give me some pointers.
Stephen hawking got an engine swap with a nissan 350Z and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
my sister was at sixth street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled so she called the police XD
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on
why did the chicken want to cross the road because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car...
why did the boy get run over ? sally was driving
All doggie go to heaven -or so I've been told. They run and play along the streets of Gold. Why is heaven such a doggie-delight... Why,because there's not a single cat in sight.
My friend and I were walking down the street and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by 3 other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help.
He had no chance against the 5 of us.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street
There was this guy asked a girl how much are your hand jobs $25k how much are your blowjobs $50k how much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY; i would if i had a pussy
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind yo f...ing buisnes like damn
Why did the orphan run into the street, to get to the other side of life
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone
He got ran over by a bus
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street
He didn’t he never did
