New Stop Jokes - Page 26 - Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between a pornstar and a mosquito?

No one stops sucking.

Say yes if you wanna fuck.

No more toilet paper jokes, please.

Why did the hobo go back to the future?

To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.

What runs but never stops?

Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.

The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”

Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?

Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

Stop.

Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.

Please stop using this thread. It is cancer.

Me: Knock, knock.

Teacher: Who is there?

Me: Boo.

Teacher: Boo who?

Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!

Teacher: ......

Me: Aw man, detention again.

All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?

That.

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?

A milkshake.

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"