Still jokes

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').

Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?

Dumb right wingers.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still falling.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?

One at the bottom that's still alive.

What's worse than that?

It's forced to eat its way out.

What's even worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!

What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.

What's the similarity between an emotional and a leaf?

The emo is still hanging.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.

Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?

Oh, it's still cancer.

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.