Still jokes

I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"

💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1

Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.

Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)

Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.

Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)

Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.

Mom: But what he did was wrong.

Girl: I know.

(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)

Mom: Is that ur dad.

Girl: Yes Mom

Comment Part 2

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basement's still dark.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.