Still jokes

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

I love still things.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

Your forehead is so big, I took a picture of it last Christmas, and it’s still printing.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Do you want to hear a building joke?

I am still working on it.

All these Avengers and you're still marvellous.

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"