Still jokes
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
Joe mama's so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it’s still printing!
Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Your hairline is like the universe, still waiting to be discovered.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
Your hairline is still missing, even Dora can’t explore it!
I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.
THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.