Stand up

Stand Up Jokes

Wheelchair

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

Library

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Man

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

Grandmother

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

Joker

What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?

The Joker.

Wheelchair

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.

Depression

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

Jesus Christ

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”

Kid

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Material

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

Self-esteem

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

Teacher

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Coward

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.