Stand up jokes
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
I can't stand disability jokes.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"