Stand Up Jokes

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Why would a dead guy lie?

Because he can't stand up.

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

The meme shows text at the top that reads, "Y'all ever notice when you lose the remote you lose trust in everyone?" followed by a dialogue: "Are you sitting on the remote?" - "No" "Stand up". Below the text is an image of a person in a tense posture standing in front of a group of people sitting on a couch.

I can't stand disability jokes.

haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.

What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?

The Joker.

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand up.

Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!