Stand up

Stand Up Jokes

Friend: If u don't like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)

GWEN ARE YOU DEAD?????? IF NOT I AM ALYA THANKS FOR ALWAYS STANDING UP FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician on a wheel chair? Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.

There are 4 people in a line three stand up and say we are standing up for cancer and then thers the one in the weelchair

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."

My teacher asked the class to stand up if your dumb, no one did so she said “ comon someone must be dumb” and pointed over to the left side of the class room , lil Jonny stands up , “do you think ur dumb ,lil Jonny ?” Asked the teacher ,”no I just feel bad for you , your the only one who who’s stood up “ replied lil Jonny!

Two Native Americans 🥴🥴🥴

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?" The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer. His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?" Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon.He tells those who believe in god to stand up and leave.To the children who don't leave ,he says ,"Do not worry my children,I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

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One day little Jonnys is in class it is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid stand up." lIttle Jonny stood up. The teacher asked him why do you think you're stupid. Little Jonny said I don't think I am stupid. Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone.

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy sumn...and I saw a little boy and he said "hello",so then I past by him and he said "hi" and I was like "hi nigga" and he said "um just wondering sumn..."i mean I like jokes but what is dark humor?" And i was like "umm🤔.. its like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy with out legs? Tell him to stand up"...and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"...aight nigga peace and look out😏😉