Stand up jokes

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?

Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.

I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?

What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?

"Why not you stand up for yourself?"

Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

I bullied a handicap today.

What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?

Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?

'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

Hi, I’m Joe.

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?

Stand-up comedy.