Stand up jokes
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
I would tell a Koby joke...
But it would just crash and burn.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
What does WTC stand for?
"What Trade Centre?"
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.
Hi, I’m Joe.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.