Stand up jokes
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Hi, I’m Joe.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.