Stand up jokes
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? π€
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying β2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!β
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
Haha, I have my own joke category now!
Pov:You start writing son lyrics because you can't stand up for yourself knowing you've lost
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he canβt do stand up.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
Thereβs this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why donβt she stand up for herself?
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.