Stand up jokes

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

What does WTC stand for?

"What Trade Centre?"

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.

One day little Jonny is in class. It is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids, so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid, stand up." Little Jonny stood up.

The teacher asked him, "Why do you think you're stupid?" Little Jonny said, "I don't think I am stupid."

Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied, "I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone."

Some say Stephen Hawking couldn't stand up for himself 😂

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?

Because he can't stand up for himself.

Why do disabled people not like comedians?

Because they do stand up.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...

I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."

Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.