Sound jokes
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
Our Deaf Friend
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
What do you call a mouse with sneakers?
Squeakers!
Q. What makes music on your hair?
A. A headband!
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
A: Cha-Ching!
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.