Why are gay guys so rude
Because they’re fucking assholes
Ok so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I play saxophone and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason I got multiple restraining orders because I said “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson”, I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books, Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining
I turned the light on and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child “Shut up you Donkey!” The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said “No my dear, tomorrow.” That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing “Spider-Man Spider-Man!”. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing “Under the toilet, under the toilet”. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, “Shut up you Donkey!” The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, “Do you want me to slap you?” The boy said, “No my dear, tomorrow.” This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” The teacher dragged him to the principal’s office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing “ Spider-Man Spider-Man!” She asked him where he lived so he sang “Under the toilet, under the toilet”.
We stop by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us “I am wan kin the manager.” So we just left in disgust!
Ur mom so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Sans: "Like, I'm so *fLaBbErGaStErEd*." Gaster: "👌☼⚐ ✌☼☜ ✡⚐🕆 💧☜☼✋⚐🕆💧 ☼✋☝☟❄ ☠⚐🕈✍"
Why is the ocean so salty? Probably because the land doesn't wave back.
Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
Ur so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye"
yo mama so fat that when she was in Uranus she picked her butthole
The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"
The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers and he took away my queen.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Why are Mexican families so big? They don’t know how to put a condom on.
My friend and I were at the mall, and decided to try on some necklaces. He said l think you should get the one over there, I do, I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it, I asked him did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?
