Someone jokes

Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.

Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.

Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.

But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

why do orphans go to church?

because they can finally call someone "father."

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

I will pay someone to kill me.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

Because they needed someone to call "daddy".

Like if you meet someone emo.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.

The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.