Someone jokes

Rape

    • What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

  • 5

    • Grandpa

    • At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

  • 1

    • Shot

    • A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.

    The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.

    The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.

    9 years later......

    All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.

  • 5

    • Gay

    • what do you call a lazy gay?

    someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

  • 1

    • Depression

    • Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

    Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

  • 2
    • Someone memes

    Asshole

    • Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.

  • 0

    • Bone

    • Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.

  • 1

    • Suicide

    • When someone tells me to kill myself,

    Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

  • 0

    • Rape

    • What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

  • 7

    • Day

    • If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

  • 4

    • Adult

    • Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3

  • 0

    • Rat

    • There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."

    Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.

  • 8