Someone Jokes

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

what do baby’s and grenades have in common?

They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise

Why was the Orphan boy gay?

So he can call someone Daddy.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they can call someone father!

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

The image shows an oak tree with a face. Above the tree, text says: "oh no my dad is driving drunk someone stop him!" some random oak tree:

why do orphans go to church?

because they can finally call someone "father."

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."