Someone jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

what do baby’s and grenades have in common?

They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise

Why was the Orphan boy gay?

So he can call someone Daddy.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they can call someone father!

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

why do orphans go to church?

because they can finally call someone "father."

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...

'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

Today was a bittersweet day...

Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!