Someone jokes
There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!
There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Someone ordered pizza on a tower... A plane came.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?
The Doughker.