Someone jokes

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?

Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?

A: A rapist.

Why did an orphan have s**? To have someone to call daddy.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call dad. 🤣

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

what do baby’s and grenades have in common?

They both are silent but then when thrown at someone make a loud noise

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he had someone to call Father.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Why do orphans go to church?

So they can call someone father!