Someone jokes
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?...
'Cause they need to find someone to call DADDY.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be single than be with someone like you.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.
Please no harsh comments toward each other.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!