How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
How are you?
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
Fanta Klare Zitrone is cool.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
