Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers and the middle one's for you.
What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?
"Long time no see!"
What do orphans call family pictures?
A selfie.
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
Q: How do you fit 4 gay men on a bar stool?
A: Flip the chair upside down.
Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.
That face needing some laughing pills.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
You are the gayest.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
