Smoking Jokes

Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.

About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"

What do u call a person called zaid? Zait and za3tar. lol

Knock knock.

Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper who?

The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

What do fish smoke? A puffer.

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.

“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

When you put the chicken in the oven and it goes down and the oven explodes oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass and all goes back

What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.

It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

What do you call a burning church?

Holy smokes.

What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.

How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.

I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?

He was told to high-jack it.

Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?

Because they’ll get stoned.