Smoking jokes
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?